Ep62 Stephane Duret - From Broadway to Business: How Creating Space for Self-Expression Changes Everything

Stephane Duret  0:00  
This coming back to self, this coming back to center, this talking about this, before we start talking about anything else, there's a desire and a need for that today.

Suzanne Taylor-King  0:13  
Hey, hey, welcome to a podcast where dreams meet determination and success is just around the corner. I'm your host, Suzanne Taylor King, and I'm here to help you unlock the full potential of your business and your life. Welcome to unlock your way with STK, let's unlock your path to success together. Good morning. Good morning, everyone. Suzanne Taylor King, here for another Friday episode of unlock your way with STK, and I am so excited for today's conversation with Stefan Durrett. He is a motivational life coach and the founder and executive director of Kaiser's room. Welcome my new

Stephane Duret  0:57  
friend. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for having me. This is a really wonderful opportunity to chat, and I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Suzanne Taylor-King  1:07  
Yes, and I love how we got connected. You know, most people that know me know I love connecting people, and love introducing people, and a long time connection of mine from New York who now lives in Washington State. Matthew Hagan said to you about me and my coaches group and you trusted and you showed up and you showed up to the best conversation I had all year with my mentors on pricing and yeah, I hooked you in.

Stephane Duret  1:46  
Oh my gosh. That was, that was it was really remarkable watching you and those two powerhouses kind of volley with each other. There was no pretense. There was no, everything was just very matter of fact, natural, organic. It wasn't preachy, it wasn't condescending, yeah, because I, in my experience, I'm still a relatively new coach officially, and a lot of people can be a little condescending, and it's like, Well, I do this. And like, you know, it depends on if you want to do that. I guess that's the thing you can do. But like, this is, and it's like, where's the where is this coming from? Like, why do we have to be this way? So the fact that you all were so welcoming, and just very matter of fact about the way the industry works and the way you operate in it and the way you support one another. I was like this, this is yummy. So I'm really, really appreciative that Matthew told me about you and and all that you do and share. So

Suzanne Taylor-King  2:52  
thank you. Thank you so much. And that that feedback more than any money that comes from, you know, conversations, it means so much to me, because there's so much misinformation you know about having a coaching practice, about, you know, getting clients. And I don't even say getting clients, I say creating clients. I really, and that's from the prosperous coach book, and it just resonated with me that you don't, you don't go out into the world and get you go out to the world and create. And who are such a creative person? Let's talk about that a little bit.

Stephane Duret  3:37  
Yeah. Sure. Gladly. I so my background is actually in the performing arts. I'm a musical theater performer by trade, and I actually spent two and a half years in the Broadway company of Kinky Boots, yes. So I was the Lola cover and then mail swing. So I understudied eight tracks, one of which being the grand DOM herself and and I really love I've recently decided that I have a mission in life, and that is to create the space for self expression, self acceptance and self expression. And I do that with all of the things that I do. You know, for a while I was feeling a bit jumbled and a bit disjointed. Okay, I've got this performing arts career, and I've got this nonprofit that does performing arts programming for people on the autism spectrum, and then I've launched this life coaching practice, this motivational life coaching practice, and these things all couldn't seem more different. But to me, it's all about creating the space for self expression. Yeah, I see that from the stage as an actor working on my characters, holding a mirror up to society. Who's the odd? Audience. I do that by creating inclusive spaces for my autistic students, where we can explore our emotions, we can explore our self expression, and we can have autonomy of ourselves and the things that we do through the performing arts, because that's magic, just as well with the motivational life coaching, you know, like we have to set into ourselves, yeah, and figure out what it is that we really want, because we've inherited some structures where we're supposed to produce and and be productive and and do the things that we're supposed to do, as opposed to do the things that we feel called to do in the ways that we want to do them. So for me, the creation of that space, so it's really interesting, going back to creating clients, really, it's really so rich, because that's, that's what it is. It's, it's a sharing it's a it's a community building. It's it's loving and being loved and and that's the magic. So, so that's kind of like a recent probably,

Suzanne Taylor-King  6:11  
I love that you found what I call the through line. You, you, you found that connection piece between your talents, the things you love to do, and your work. And that is so so beautiful, because so many people go through having a business or a coaching practice, or, you know, any type of business, and they never connect with that through line. And that's where great content comes from. That's where great conversations come from. You can talk to more people about what you do because of that. It's, it's really, really great.

Stephane Duret  6:57  
Well, you can talk to anyone. Yeah, I think that's the magic. It's it's not being intimidated or afraid to say the right thing to the right person. And well, this type of person is going to think this, and this type of person it's too much. I think it's too much.

Suzanne Taylor-King  7:14  
I think it's way too much. And I remember the day that it disappeared, and I was sitting journaling about something, and I've been doing a lot of work on that, you know, no not only knowing myself, but you know, quieting down the negative, oh, you can't talk to that person, or you can't say that to that, right? And all of a sudden, you know, got to a certain point in doing the work, and that voice was gone, and I was like, oh boy, there's space now, yes, to create conversations with more people, yeah, and that's actually when I started coaches in conversation that you came through. I've been doing that for three years, and my idea was to have the conversations nobody's having on social media or in their content, because they everybody wants to look perfect on social media, right? Oh, I make a million dollars a year, and look at me. I'm perfect, right? I don't make any mistakes, and I invited four to six coach friends of mine, and at the end, we talked about pricing, weirdly enough, and at the end they said, What are we talking about next month? And I thought, all right, I'm on to something, right? And I found that through line, that connection between my zone of genius and actually, you know, having conversations and putting them out into the world, which I think I might secretly be a Broadway performer or or a stand up comedian or something. There's something in here.

Stephane Duret  8:59  
You're absolutely a performer. Absolutely a performer, yeah,

Suzanne Taylor-King  9:04  
and I like, I like the idea of so much of social media is a performance, right? How does that resonate with you? Like going out into the world as a coach now, putting content out there. How does that resonate with you?

Stephane Duret  9:23  
Yeah, it's it. That's such an amazing question, because I have the personal turmoil with social media, because, again, as a performing artist, that quickly shifted to becoming your resume or your photo. Yeah, and, and now I had some friends that you know were going to audition for Broadway shows and weren't allowed to audition because they didn't have enough followers. And it's constantly this, like, this perfection. Well, this is what I look like, and this is how I'm doing this. And, like, everything is perfect, and I just the. That's so distasteful for me. One of the things that I also recently realized that I've been doing for a very long time is I really have been marching to the beat of my own drum and and it's so funny because I would get frustrated and say things like, I'm just tired of doing what exists is expected of me. I just don't want to do the things that the way everybody wants me to do them, and I realized a couple years ago that, like I never really have, I've always done my own thing. So because of that, I was very anti social media. I was like, I'm not putting that fake front out. I'm gonna be real. And I think that's one of the things I love about being in community and in spaces with you, because you, not only are your authentic self, you make it okay for others to be their authentic selves.

Suzanne Taylor-King  10:48  
I never thought about it that way, but I guess you know, and it's taken a lot for me to kind of be okay with the organic and the, you know, somebody said to me yesterday, he doesn't do live videos because he teaches people how to speak and do videos, and so his need to be Edited and perfect. And I was like, no, no, you'll have 100 times more clients if you don't edit things. Hence why my podcast is live and an organic conversation, like we're sitting at Starbucks having a cup of coffee. Where does the conversation go? Is it 20 minutes? Is it 40 minutes? Is it an hour and a half? Who cares? Right? And I think there's something I don't know magical about connecting with somebody at that level. Where can you imagine if I had asked you, what questions do you want me to ask you, right,

Stephane Duret  12:02  
right? Well, and a lot of people, I don't want to discount those people necessarily, because there is level of safety there, right? Yes, level. I know what to expect. You know, working in the near a distinct world, sometimes knowing what's coming next is really soothing to the nervous system. Yes, absolutely. So I get that absolutely. And there's something about being raw and organic. It's so interesting. I don't know who that person is that you were talking to that talked about needing to edit their videos, but interesting how it's like now you're not quite practicing what you preach, yeah, if what you do is, is coach people to speak, to speak freely, to speak authentically, and you're going back and editing everything, yeah, then what is the role model like? What are you actually exhibiting? So it's a really interesting point.

Suzanne Taylor-King  13:00  
So I felt as though, you know, there was a disconnection for me numerous years ago. I was a health coach when I first came into the online space, and I would do like crazy videos, like exercise things before and afters of clients. And then that kind of seemed like, well, everybody, every health coach does that. How do I be different? Well, I started talking about the mindset that was required to change your diet, change your change your thinking about food, change your thinking about exercise. And that formed a Facebook group that was called powerfully positive. And it wasn't just food and exercise, it was health here and health down here follows, right? And I just start. I didn't have a brand or like marketing. I just started talking about what I believed in this. Why? Why were my clients more successful? Because we talked about all the things going on up here.

Stephane Duret  14:14  
Yeah, that's I think that's so magical. And I think I think we as a species, as a society, I think we're really shifting back to this way of of really, of really kind of getting to the nitty gritty, really getting to the bottom of things. A person that I just recently connected with, shameless plug, Angela Dene is of Angela Dene Studios is a stylist, and it's not just like, What clothes Am I putting on my body? Anybody can get a couple bucks to be like, yep, here's a dress put this on, yeah. The work that she does is really like, how do you get comfortable in your skin? So that you can then decide what. Form of expression, or what you're going to use externally to kind of express yourself, but it starts with the self, as opposed to the close. So it's this, you know, I think we're thirsty for it, because this world is a little tenuous at the moment. There's a lot happening. It's very tense. It's very confusing, you know, especially in the art world, in the nonprofit sector, you know, funding is is moving, and nobody knows where paychecks are coming from. Job people are losing jobs and and there's so much uncertainty that it's the ground feels unstable. Yeah. So this coming back to self, this coming back to center, this talking about this, before we start talking about anything else, I really feel like there's a there's a desire and a need for that today, and we're on that mark. You're like, way ahead of it so

Suzanne Taylor-King  15:55  
well, I feel as though that was the journey for me. You know? I mean, I've been a coach for 16 years, and people who met me last week, you're like, oh my gosh, she's an overnight success. No, pressing them, no, that's not how it works. And you know, comfortability, Mary, who you met my 80 year old, coach, mentor, she said something about clothing, right? And it's funny that I showed up today for this in a pink shirt, yeah, and it was super pale, right? And I looked like all one color. And I said, Wait, I'm going to go change my shirt, because I know that this is my color, right? So go put it on, yeah. So feeling comfortable is important, and knowing yourself so important. But Mary said to me, when in your life, did you like, make the most money, like at one time? And I said I was 24 Uh huh, owned stores, and somebody came along and wanted to franchise our concept, uh huh. And in that day, that conversation, I probably made $5 million was my takeaway, right? I was wearing jeans, flip flops and a Indian Motorcycle t shirt, and she pulled that out of me, like, what were you What were you wearing then? Like she wanted my vibe and my image. And she said, That's how Mark Cuban dresses jeans with flops, T shirts. She said, often the most casual person in the room is the most underestimated. She said, I like that vibe for you, yeah? And it gave me, it was like, I got a permission, yeah, to dress however I wanted. And it was amazing to have that

Stephane Duret  18:13  
that's a that's a power move, because, and at this point, we're talking about sovereignty, right? You're talking about, you taking ownership of your life and and saying, To hell with it. This is the vibe, yeah. Take it or leave it right. Has nothing to do with the finances. It has nothing to do with the business savvy or, or, or this, this brand that you had, this thing that you'd created, that somebody had interest in franchising, right? That had nothing to do the way you looked, but you felt comfortable,

Suzanne Taylor-King  18:47  
yeah, comfortable enough to sell myself and believe in myself at 24 Right, right? And there, there was a time, you know, in the online space that comparison, itis kicks in, and you know, this person has this, and this person has this, and that can be so damaging for anyone, really, in the online space. I want to know, I think, how, how you got to that place of you know, whether it was high school, college, when was that time for you when you just said, This is who I am and this is what I'm going to be? And you embraced it?

Stephane Duret  19:30  
Yeah, what an amazing question I was. I'd really been perplexed. I do a lot of self coaching, and I was a sad kid and and I keep going back to like, what made me so sad? Because there wasn't anything wrong. I come from a very loving household. There was some homophobia in the household. Growing up, I started hearing some things that were not great as a young child, you know, I'll disown you if you. Fall into drugs or homosexuality, as if it's a thing you can like, trip into so that had its damages, but everything else was very supportive. My parents were like, whatever it is you want to do, rather we get it or not you can do you have our support. Wonderful choices must be yours. So that was really amazing. But I was constantly comparing myself to people around me. I was constantly noting that, you know, my brothers were sports guys, and I wanted to go to barbers on school of models, and, you know, everyone was, you know, into the sciences, and I went into musical theater. So I was always the oddball, you know, also, you know, not being black enough, because I spoke, spoke and I was fair skinned, you know, not being masculine enough, but, like, not being a girl. And then I started performing, and they're like, Okay, tall, thin, black guy, you're gonna sing tenor, but I didn't really have those notes, and I didn't really dance as well as I was supposed to have, but I didn't sing the way I was supposed to have. And, and I was constantly torn between, like, well, I don't have enough, and you've got it great, you've got to figure it out. And, like, you're very clear in who you are and what you do and like, that's just not fair. Yeah, I was really big into 90s R and B, so I was thinking about it this morning. Janet Jackson has a song off of her all for you album called better days, okay, where she talks about it's, it's, it's a deep cut, like a lot of people, it wasn't one of the popular ones off the album. Ones off the album, but, but she talks about, like, today, the sun's gonna shine and it's going to be the start of better days. It was her making this decision of, like, yeah, life is challenging, but no one really cares. Just like, do, do and make the choice to live your true, authentic self. And that was kind of the pivot for me, because I was like, nobody really knows what to do with me, or where to put me, how to categorize me, so I had to figure it out for myself. Okay, so here we go. We're figuring out for ourselves. Yeah, and through that, I ended up on a Broadway stage, star of the show. Wow. Having all of these things that that I was second guessing about myself so and does it still creep in? Yes, part of why sometimes social media and I don't vibe because there was an image of the performing artist that I wanted to be, because that person was that way, and that person was that way. And like, I want to take pictures like that too. And like, what is that?

Suzanne Taylor-King  22:47  
Yeah, I wanted. I remember distinctly my first coach I hired in it came into the online space. She had this outfit on, you know, with a skirt and Louboutins and the Birkin bag and the Paris photo shoot. And I was like, oh, that's what I have to be correct, that she's so successful. That's what I have to become. And I was about four months into her 10 month thing, and I got a message asking my advice on something Uh huh. And then 10 of the girls that were in the program, uh huh, were coming to me for social media questions, how do you do that, and how do you do this, and how do you have a Facebook group and data? And I was like, I have been doing this for a long time, like the doubt that I had because I didn't look like right and syndrome. Yeah, totally, totally, and it was, it was just kind of realizing room after room after room, that same thing was happening. People wanted to talk to me. People wanted to ask questions. People wanted that like, wow, okay, I'm just going to own that. And yes, you know, make it. Make it part of the package, I guess,

Stephane Duret  24:36  
yes. So I have to ask, What? What started you on all of that, because you already had a presence. And whatever it was that was, you know, that in that inspiration where you saw this person, you were like, I've got to be that, so I'm gonna pay her my money so that she could coach me how to be that. Yeah, but you already had a presence at that point. So what had inspired. Shared that presence prior to you taking this workshop, 10 months

Suzanne Taylor-King  25:05  
I think, well, I was teaching fitness classes. I was a dental hygienist. I was taking fitness teaching fitness classes, because I figured, might as well get paid to do it. If I'm going to be there taking the class, I might as well hence the performer in me, right? I might as well be in the front of the room teaching the class and get paid to be here. Brilliant, and one of the people at the gym, she had decent presence on Facebook, and she said, I'm getting clients from it. Suzanne, you really should do it. And I said, Yeah, I have a full time job. I don't need to leave. And, you know, eventually I just start. I posted one before and after picture of a client of mine, yeah, a woman in her 30s after having children, you know, before and after, and I focused on her stomach and the changes that, well, it blew up. Wow. I'll have the picture in my phone to remind me of you started right, and so many inbound like this conversation coming at me instead of me chasing anyone. And that's what started it.

Stephane Duret  26:26  
Oh, wow, that's, that's, but it's remarkable because, again, you were living your authentic truth. Somebody gave you a suggestion. You were like, Oh, I guess I could do it. So you just, like, put it together. And then it went,

Suzanne Taylor-King  26:42  
but I didn't know how to do it. See, this is the key, and I think you do this really, really well. If you don't know how to do something, you figure it out. And you know that's part growth mindset, or whatever you want to call it. But she said, post a before and after shot on Facebook and see what happens, right? I did not even know how right

Stephane Duret  27:07  
to

Suzanne Taylor-King  27:08  
take these before and after pictures and put it in one image, right? You know, this is before AI and all that I did a Google search how how to do before and after pictures, right for social media. I watched a YouTube video, and I was like, oh, Canva, what's Canva? Right? Wow. And, you know, just the willingness to learn and experiment, and I'm, I'm very tech savvy, but that that's not how I started,

Stephane Duret  27:42  
right? But it's also remarkable because that, you know, I don't know how much time it was between that first, before and after photo and the time this person's workshop, but, but people in the class were already moved by what you had already created. You were the GO TO YOU were the expert in the room. Yeah? Because got to sit into it authentically.

Suzanne Taylor-King  28:06  
Yeah, I think so maybe I was the oldest person in the room too. There's like a chip Connolly, famous author. He just wrote a book called midlife manifesto, okay? And as I'm reading it, I'm like, huh, if only I knew this 20 years ago, it would have been helpful, right? But just this idea that there's so much wisdom in people over 40, over 50, over 60. I have two clients that are over 70, and then Mary, my mentor, over 80. Yeah. So where do you see yourself in the next 20 years? Correct, the same

Stephane Duret  28:52  
Correct, correct. And how are you how are you surrounding yourself by by the inter generally, intergenerationalism, you know, like, how are you spending time? Yeah, empowering the future and learning from Yeah, I don't always get a pass, but like the elders, the ancestors, seniors, you know, like, there's power there, and it's also communication, yeah, you know, how are we just vibing as people on this planet together, you know, as opposed to, let me talk down to you and like, now I have to respect you. Let's just be human beings and share the wealth that we have. Yeah, you know, because there's wealth to be shared. Yeah.

Suzanne Taylor-King  29:33  
And I, I think when you can, you, you mentioned something about having conversations without expectation of of where it was going to go. And I, I think that's so, so important, but yet so difficult if you're just starting a business or a coaching practice, and that's that's that line between chasing clients, oh, I have to get a client. I got to go to the. Networking event, and I have to get versus I'm going to go to this networking event and I'm going to provide value to each person I talk to, yeah, in some way or another, and then not caring about the outcome, correct, I think that's really maybe the hardest thing to do when you need money. You know, money makes the world go round, right? And every person that I've ever coached who's needed clients or needed money, the single thing that shifts the needle is not needing it anymore. Yeah, yes. Logan, if you need to pay your bills, start an only fans or get a job, right and make your coaching practice over here, right? Do what you need to do to pay the bills, correct and build authentic connections, correct, create clients instead.

Stephane Duret  31:04  
Well, and it's, it really is. It's that, it's that abundance mindset, right to the scarcity mindset, because there is a level of desperation that that can be smelled, yeah, like blood in the water.

Suzanne Taylor-King  31:19  
Well, it's, it's, it's visceral, and when you identify it, and for those of you listening, you've felt it before when you're with somebody, and the feeling of sales or feeling of you need me, type of conversation, oh, yeah, it's so vibrational, like you you recognize it in your body, and that's what turns you off to, yeah,

Stephane Duret  31:51  
it's icky, and it's so funny, because it can have two faces, right? Yeah, you can be the apologetic person who's just like, Oh, I'm so sorry, but like, this is the thing that I do and and I think you could potentially benefit from my services, or you got the bravado that's like, Hey kid, let me tell you what you need. And it's just like both of them are actually operating from the same vibration that that desperation. Neither of them are interesting. They're both turn offs, yeah, when you can drop into your truth and share like the world opens up for you. I one of the things I also teach dance at Marymount, Manhattan College, and one of the things I teach my students is audition prep for Kinky Boots for four years straight. Wow, before booking the show. Wow, because I had that desperation, because I was always freaking out, and by the time I booked it, I really think it was my mindset that shifted. I had already kind of downgraded the idea of Broadway. I was like, know what? I just want to do good work. I want to do good work on stages and feel good and proud about the work that I do, rather on Broadway, rather it's on Bleecker Street, like, wherever it is. I just want to, like, do the beautiful work. Yeah, I was prepared. I had spent four years working on the materials, so when I walked into the space with a smile on my face, excited for the opportunity, yeah, they asked me, What do you have? And I was like, I've got it all, Baby, what do you need? And they're like, Okay, can you give us this scene? I was like, absolutely. And I put the pages down, and I did them off book, and they're like, Okay, can you do this, this scene into this song? Absolutely. Can you sing this song down half step? Sure, no problem. And that ease of like, wanting to be there, being scared, but not eating a damn thing. I think that's what tipped the bucket

Suzanne Taylor-King  33:58  
for me. Wow, so good, so important. And you could take that lesson and and translate that into any business correct, any any time you're showing up for a talk or a workshop, we're making a sale,

Stephane Duret  34:17  
correct? That's the key,

Suzanne Taylor-King  34:19  
right there is, you're prepared. You've done your research, you You prepared, you rehearsed, probably, I I can see you at home, like, doing it, right? Yeah. And then when the time comes, kind of like taking a test, right?

Stephane Duret  34:41  
I don't need to panic, no, because I know what you're doing, yeah? And because you're coming from abundance, you're coming from awareness, you're coming from security, yes, as opposed to grasping at straws. And that's one of the things that I also love about, you know, my my history as a performer, yeah? Because it really does transcend, yeah, you know, how are you showing up? How are you telling the truth? How are you listening and responding? Be there with your scene partner. Be there with the autistic child in your dance class. Be there with the networking partner or the potential client or the you know, be there. Yeah, just respond. Show up and know, know what you're doing. Yeah,

Suzanne Taylor-King  35:26  
I love that. Yeah, to respond. James Muller, who's here listening, he's he's a local guy too. So when we meet, Stefan, will invite James. You will love James. I love it. He said he spent a long time trying to be the next famous figure or hero. Now he works to be the only me, and that brings a lot of freedom, and he shows up so powerfully on social media, like he speaks his truth, good, bad, ugly, indifferent, so, so good. And I've watched it happen with you James over the last year, and it's been absolutely amazing. And you know, when I met him for coffee, you know? And it's, it's one of those things, watching someone come into their their own, for me, is like the greatest prize of this work. James isn't even a client of mine. I've never pitched him on being a client of mine, but I celebrate in his achievements because I feel if he just watches me and sees what I do and takes a little piece of that, yeah, freaking amazing, yeah, like, incredible responsibility that We have as performers or or visible people, right? And I think now I want to know what made you want to add on the coaching piece, what, what spoke to you with what you do that the coaching piece became obvious to you? Well,

Stephane Duret  37:19  
it's, it's funny, you should ask I had, I like to call it an Eat, Pray, Love moment. Oh, can we talk

Suzanne Taylor-King  37:28  
about that next? Can we talk

Stephane Duret  37:30  
Okay, so I actually moved to Israel. I had a couple of shows there. So I performed twice, actually, and I just fell in love with the people, and I thought maybe I could do like a performance thing while I was over there and and I really had time to reflect. And that was in 2013 and that was actually the first time I decided that I was a life coach, because I've been doing this work my practice for like, self help and self coaching started my senior year of high school. So I was, what, 1718, yeah, I've been doing it ever since. Again, it's, it's all about, like, Shifting Paradigms and adjusting your mindset to fit what it is you need, right? And it's, it's thank you again, James for being here and for that, that note. But it's, it's really that sitting in your truth, you know, thinking that this shiny thing is what I want, but actually what I want to be is myself. Yeah, making that decision is is so powerful, and I feel like I've been feeding myself that for years, and I've been given a couple of great opportunities. Some of my first clients were people that that needed that paradigm shift, and first and foremost, they needed to be okay. And one of the things I like to do is normalize the human experience. I'm like, oh yes, you're a queer woman of color, and you've reached a certain level of acclaim, and now you're struggling to maintain it when you don't have to. Our society has put that on you, that now you've written, now that you've reached this level, you need to keep and stay, but you're exhausted, you're depleted, you're burnt out. All you want to do is punch a clock, make some money and then go home to your family. And there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, so I gave her that opportunity to say, you can do that, because that's what you actually want. You've been a founder. You can be a founder again, if you want to, but at this point in time in your life, that's where you want to be, then be there, baby, yeah. So it's so that's kind of what shifted for me, was just having conversations with people and helping people pivot, or. Wrap their minds around some of the struggles that they're going through that felt so rich. It felt so rich. So that's, that's where that's come from. It,

Suzanne Taylor-King  40:10  
yeah, I what I like about that is, I hear your why in there. I'm wondering if you ever took the Y, o, s assessment. I don't know, I don't think so. It was inspired by Simon Sinek work. Of his work, I'll send it to you. And so now I'm curious. What it does is it tells you your why, what and how, okay. And when I learned mine about three years ago, my My why is to challenge the status quo. That was no surprise, no surprise at all. And then my, my, how is simplification? Yes, and my, how I do that is through trusted relationships. And I cried. I cried at that. Oh my gosh, that's who I've been my whole entire life. I think about high school. Who was I in high school? I was the per class secretary and friends with every click of people, the head, the head, you know, back then there was clicks, you know, there was the the cheerleaders and the pot heads and the head bangers and the air. And I knew the lead person from each of the groups. Well, that's no different than today me knowing 300 different community founders, correct? Oh my gosh, I've always been doing the same thing. So that realization, yeah, is life changing as loco,

Stephane Duret  41:57  
I can't wait to try that. I'm really, really excited for that, because it's because I feel very similarly. And I think this is why it's so funny. I hopped onto that call, and I feel like you and I locked eyes through like, her world, and we're just like, we're gonna have to have a conversation. Because, like, yeah, we just started talking to each other and kind of forgot everybody else was there, but, but I really feel I feel very similarly where. And this is, I saw a video back in 2013 that was like, if you can say yes to seven of these 10 things already a life coach. And one of those things was like, Do people often say to you, gosh, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but all the time about that, yep, and I feel like I've always been that person, and it's, you know, for a while I was afraid to say or to admit that that I have superpowers. This is one of my superpowers. One of my superpowers is that I can see you as you are. And it came from a defense mechanism. You know, as a child growing up in a home a gay kid growing up in a homophobic household, you know, I thought I was going to be disowned, so I started collecting everyone's baggage. How old

Suzanne Taylor-King  43:13  
were you when you knew that that feeling kind of took over?

Stephane Duret  43:18  
Funny enough, I was I, I, like, realized, realized that, like, I was interested in men probably around 16. Okay, that's because a lot before then, probably since I was in elementary school, I would tell myself things that I wanted to believe, like, I'm not interested in that little boy. I'm jealous of that little boy I want to Yeah, and it wasn't until I got to high school that I was like, Oh no. I wasn't jealous of them. I was interested in them, but, but it was, it was really interesting to I lost my train of thought. Where was I going? Yes, be the person who people want to talk to and communicate with, yeah, so I started collecting people's stuff. So anybody was ever like, well, you're gay, therefore you should be Action Aid. I would be like, well, no one likes you because of x, y and z. So it became a defense mechanism, and I just became very discerning. Oh, you're insecure, that's why. And you're insecure because of x, y and z, and this is why you lash out in this way. And instead of it being this arsenal of things I had against, people kind of became my empathy, and it became like, Oh, you're not a very nice person because, like, you don't really know how to love and feel love. Yeah, that's not nice, yeah? So I kind of so I'm very discerning, and I'm very accepting. Whatever it is you got. It's a part of the human experience. It's your reality.

Suzanne Taylor-King  44:59  
You've always been a. Life Coach. Then, like, you know, that emotional intelligence that you developed, even if you did develop it as a defense mechanism, right? It's such a skill, and maybe realizing that the it's not common, you know, one of those uncommon, common sense things, and to be able to channel that superpower and trust, it also really amazing

Stephane Duret  45:30  
that's been the biggest thing is the trusting event, because sometimes it's inexplicable. I mean, do you do you feel like, because you did train for for coaching and like you've done that how much of the training was helpful and how much of it is still instinctive for you.

Suzanne Taylor-King  45:50  
I can say I have numerous different specialized certifications, but the most helpful was studying positive psychology. So that was not for coaching. That was for me,

Stephane Duret  46:08  
right?

Suzanne Taylor-King  46:09  
And I think it gave me so many coaching skills, frameworks, mental studying, mental models helped me be a coach more than my ICF certification that I got and I didn't maintain, because I didn't. Why was I paying $800 a year for a piece of paper that nobody ever asked for? Right? I don't need that, but I thought I needed all those things in the beginning, right? But I think the most helpful is me, learning me and learning how I think about things and what are other ways to think about things. That's it. That's it. And a coach a long time ago mentioned, oh, I can't remember his name. I'll think of it like in 10 minutes. And it was basically exploring modes of thinking, you know, conscious thinking, unconscious thinking, and the difference between you, your thoughts, and then who was talking in your head, right? That you, no, it's not you, and that realization, that's what coaching is. Yeah, right. I mean helping people not listen to that self created voice and create something more empowering,

Stephane Duret  47:45  
correct, correct. That inherited voice is what I like to call

Suzanne Taylor-King  47:48  
that. Oh, inherited Yeah, because it is, I mean, it's so, you know, sometimes my voice in there would talk just like my mother.

Stephane Duret  47:57  
Uh huh, yeah,

Suzanne Taylor-King  47:59  
yeah. And being free of that allows you to create that space for others, and

Stephane Duret  48:05  
that that's also what's interesting is, is it's sometimes not necessarily being free of it, but it's being aware of it. You know? Because, because, sometimes these are our guardian angels, right? Sometimes these are the voice of my mom. Used to my mom had two rambunctious boys. We were 11 months apart, and we go into stores, and of course, we would like disperse. So she she had a way of being like boys pockets, so we would have to put our hands in her pockets, so her two hands were free to do what she needed to do, and she knew exactly where each of us was, yep. So that's kind of like a safety voice. So sometimes, or like my grandmother, may she rest in peace. She used to say swag, and that in in French, means like, like, be calm. Be sage. You know, like, be be wise. Be calm like silence your body a little bit. So every now and then I'll hear her voice saying, swassage, and it's like, that's not a voice I want to be free of. No, that's a very important reminder. So sometimes that's there and I know where I got it from. I'm not going to make pretend like it's my voice. I know where that came from, you know, now, the negative self talk, yes, we'd like to be free of that. But also, you know, I cortisol levels, you know, the fight, flight stuff, all that stuff kind of just happens. And sometimes you thank our body like, thank you so much for that. There are no sacred tigers. I don't need to run. I'm okay, but thank you pituitary gland or whatever, all the things you know and I feel the same about like the voices in our heads, because they have to guide us and to shape us. And also, sometimes we can be like, Thank you.

Suzanne Taylor-King  49:57  
Thank you. No thank you. Yeah,

Stephane Duret  50:02  
right, right. On the path from that, I released that.

Suzanne Taylor-King  50:04  
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Well, what's next? What's next for Stefan? Oh,

Stephane Duret  50:11  
gosh, we've only just begun. I I'm just, I'm excited to have amazing conversations. I'm wondering, I've started, I just launched a little newsletter on sub stack, amazing. So that's been fun. Yeah, I would love to write a book at some point in time. I'm wondering if I like to, like host a thing at some point in time. I just, I just, thank you. You're not the first person to say that. Somebody else said that. And I was like, oh, huh, maybe that's the thing for me. So, so we'll definitely see, but it's, you know, I I'm also a father, my husband on that. Thank you. Thank you so so watching her grow up and supporting her in all the ways that I can and and doing the same, it sounds Woo, woo, but like doing the same for the world at large. You know, I think with my positivity and with my availability, my availability Sure, my capacity to to think of things differently and to internalize things and then re release them in a different light. I used to consider myself a tea bag in hot water. I just want to permeate the space and have people feel okay. I love that, and I want to do that however I can

Suzanne Taylor-King  51:35  
I love that. Well, thank you so much for this conversation today. I've never had the chat blow up like this. So many good, amazing content. Angelina said, what a wonderful message you both shared today. Thank you so much. James said, Oh, the movie, A Beautiful Mind, three very important figures in life weren't real, but they affected him. Yes, love that. So lots of incredible just comments and feedback for you. Thank you so much for joining me today. My

Stephane Duret  52:14  
gosh, Suzanne, thank you so much for this space. It's I mean, talking to you is always amazing. Margaritas next time. And yeah, we're making this happen.

Suzanne Taylor-King  52:23  
Let me know next time you're in Marlton.

Stephane Duret  52:25  
I will. I will. Thank you really, so so much for what you do in this space. You're

Suzanne Taylor-King  52:30  
so welcome. How can everybody get in touch with you? I'm all over

Stephane Duret  52:33  
the place. Stefan direct@gmail.com is the email I'm on LinkedIn. My coaching practice is called Orange Moon coaching. So my website, Stefan, direct.com, backslash orange Moon Slash orange slash moon. That's my coaching site. So I'm all over the place. All

Suzanne Taylor-King  52:56  
right. Well, now I need to know about orange moon. What is that about

Stephane Duret  53:00  
orange Moon amazing. You should ask. So orange Moon is a song by Erica Badu. I told you 90s R B was my thing and and in the song, she says, I'm an orange moon reflecting the light of the sun. And the story of this song is that there's a there's a moon or no, there's a sun that's so bright, everyone turns away. Nobody can look directly at the sun. And then Erica, being the moon, looks at the sun and smiles. So now the sun gets to be bright, and then the moon gets to reflect the sun. And that's, that's that that's shifting. I felt like I was the sun for a very long time. Nobody knew what to do with me, nobody knew how to place me. And then I was able to turn into the moon. So now what I in my little tagline, is reflecting the light of you, because that's what I do. I can take an assessment of you. This is your brilliance. Oh, all of the things that you've done, all of the struggles that you've gone through, have bright, stay so yes, this might be hard, but it's nothing you haven't dealt with before.

Suzanne Taylor-King  54:13  
I love that so much. Thank you for sharing that.

Stephane Duret  54:16  
Oh, thank you. Thank

Suzanne Taylor-King  54:18  
you for allowing me. You're welcome. Have a great day, everyone, and a great weekend. See you next time. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to another empowering episode of unlock your way. I hope you found today's discussion inspiring and you're ready to take your business and personal growth to that next level. If you're feeling as fired up as I am and eager to unlock that full potential, I'm here to help you on your journey and provide that personalized guidance tailored to your unique goals and challenges. Simply book a one on one coaching call with me, and we'll dive deep into your business aspirations and. And see how we could co create a roadmap for your success, and whether you're striving to scale an enterprise or just getting started. I'm here to support you every step of the way. To schedule your coaching call, simply visit the website at unlock your way with stk.com click on the book a call button, and we'll turn your dreams into that reality. Subscribe and review on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube, plus, you can join over 800 entrepreneurs in the IDEA Lab Facebook group. Let's make success as an entrepreneur happen together until next time I'm SDK, keep dreaming big. Stay focused, and most of all, have fun while you're doing it.

Speaker 1  55:58  
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